Try again

this is in no way a proper post.

Tomorrow i will be super busy

hope fully leaving little to no time to eat. :)

To all my fallowers/readers

thanks

love, Hanrietta (i'm retarded i have been trying to write my name correctly for five minutes now)

fruit fast

I'm gonna fruit fast join me and lulu if you'd like

I’m in a dark hole a dark place

I hear the voice in my head

“fat ass” “Loser” never good enough…

I don’t feel much I can only think of my failure

Of how disgusting I am

If I have to purge every time I eat id rather nor eat.

My chest hurts I want water and then I want a nap…

good so far...

I had oatmeal for breakfast 165

I had half an apple (saving the rest for later:P) it was kinda big so 50

total = 250

so far so good.

I'm gunna try not to purge it out later.

I lost 3 lbs which is just plain cool. :)

i lost them in two days its not much but its better than nothing.

Comment reply time

@bonesarepure

Thanks. sometimes it just feels good to get the junk out of my system.

Thanks for your support guys.

love,

Henrietta

I feel...

Sick, i just threw up. I binged then, threw up. Then i took pills and a multi vitamin. Drank some tea (dieter's tea. Despite that I binged, i'm feeling pretty good. haha im so messed up my head hurts and im happy. why? i dont even know.

new day

me on the scale.

"lose, lose, lose ,lose......gained" I lb thats it. i have to get on my feet again. but how i give up on the liquid fast 820 calories today no more. i also need to start working out again. I watched "thin" the documentary last night/ this morning. no crazy dreams this time yay semi normal sleep!!

click here for the first part.

i liked it...it had the wrong effect on me though i only wanted to lose more weight. I'm so going to hell....

I'm gonna tell my self the truth. i want to suffer i want to be weak and cold and miserable i want boys to want to protect me to see me as a weak and pretty little thing.

are all eating disorders caused be the fear of being alone? i dont know.

i need things to say to deny food

comment reply time fro 2 posts.

@ peanut :)

500 calories is still good at least you didn't binge.

@ DolceCaramel

thanks for fallowing my blog i hope it tickles your fancy lol

@ peanut :)

i only remember 1 successful day... thats sad. Ugh I need to try harder.

@ Fiesty Fiend

perhaps i should consider a career as a heart surgeon. lol

lol thank you guys for reading my blog and commenting :)

im gunna go get a pickle ill tweet later or something.

love,

Henrietta

I failed

I'm fat. Does my brain not get it im fat i need to stay empty to get thin ugh i want to scream!!!! whats wrong with me its starving not open heart surgery

Spiders

Guess who gained for pound in 2 days?!?!?! Me and now im freaking out thats it liquid fast until thanksgiving. Anyone want to join me?

I'll walk three miles with my dog and do 5 crunches and push-ups for every calorie i over eat.

i'm freaking out i want to cry and pull out my hair and throw up my empty stomach and then curl up in a ball outside in the cold. (i'm fucking crazy)

i didn't have a food dream last night i had something worse....

Did I tell you guys i'm a huge arachnophobe? i hate spiders i don't care how graceful or misunderstood they those things are evil creatures from hell.

The dream went like this,

I was running around and there were spiders crawling down from webs in the ceiling and falling down on me landing in my hair they were every where in my room on the stairs....everywhere....

then.....I woke up....and closed my eyes and fell alseep again....

this time i was in the kitchen and the things were there too they were every where. I tried to run out but there spiders blocking the door way in a web and i ran through and got tangled up.

I woke up breathing hard and crying. i didn't want to sleep again and see those evil creature again i don't know the horrors that await in my sleep. Eventually i fell asleep but this time it was dreamless sleep.

I just freaked out that a fly came near me ugh...Nightmares...

I looked up some stuff to see if maybe i could figure out what the dream meant but too much happened. heres the website i went to http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=spider.

On a better note, i made a play list :) for blogger. Every week i'm gunna make one a different artist this week its metric. I wont tell you next weeks its a surprise.

music thinspo

Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeah

Emily Haines for metric

regular thinspo

extreme thispo

okay guys ill send you my love on wire,

Henrietta Gray

ps. comment reply time (i almost forgot)

@peanut :)

probably, all we think of is food

@Avani

I like your blog too and thanks for reading mine.

Holy shit im scared.

im supposed be having sum pumkin pie and a burritto i dont know if i can purge it all up omg if i dont have my parents will notice somethings up...... UGH!!!! ill just use the save it for later excuse.

I hope you guys enjoyed the little video i added to the blog. its just something for you all to enjoy. the song black sheep was also in the scott pilgrim movie.

This morning i woke up panicking becouse i thought i had eaten in my sleep. Ok I know its weird but i think i just had a dream of eating (great foods in my dreams now). Also i had a dream a cupple of nights ago.

here it goes.

I was with a couple of friends by our tree.( Our tree is this tree next to basket ball courts that we hang out at) We were just standing there an this guy comes up to us and we start talking about random crap and then we start talking about his possible crushes and he points out girls he would go out with. he points out a couple of girls and then he points to me and i'm like me "why me ". The guys wasn't cute he just some guy i know than i all of sudden he turns into this guy i like ans says" 'couse your face is cute and your nice everything, if only you were smaller......." then i wake up.

Is this myself trying to tell myself that the fat is whats holding me down? Or is this just a random dream? I know this may seem conceded but one of main motivations is my face i tell my self im not so bad my face deserves a better body. i know right horrible but it helps so yeah i guess it also helps with the idea that if i'm thin ill be perfect. Because if i'm thin but ugly whats the point of being thin right ? So i accept my face but not my body. Oh and i say the fat instead of my fat becouse its not mine its only a temporary parasite feeding on my happiness. :)

Comment reply time

@Charlie

i hope everyone else feels the same and lol about the eated part.

your loving black sheep,

Henrietta

ps. I want to look good in this dress by summer i already bought it.is my motivation.It should arrive in a small this Monday. i got it from Forever 21.

I'm back.(I'm sorry i left)

I know, i know why did i decide to come back?

well i'm a lard ass thats why. same goals as before only this time i'm fatter; I'm at 188 lbs. i really hope you guys will accept me again.

heres how life without blogger went.

i lost 20 lbs

gained 20 lbs

gained 8lbs

was upset

AND THEN I CAME BACK CRAWLING AND BEGGING YOU FOR SUPPORT.

why?

-becouse im pathetic

-becouse im fat

-becouse i cant do it alone.

my goal by the end of this week 181.

ill be eating 800 calories.

Please support me and forgive me for abandoning you guys. :(

love the big ol' tub of lard'

henrietta.

ps. i really missed you guys i just finished catching up