In case anyone still reads my blog...

Binges suck.

The good thing is I know what I did wrong.

I went too long without food. I now know that if I go too long without eating i get them heartburn pains.

So for tomorrow:

breakfast-

Greek yogurt.......170

small apple.......95

green tea.........32

lunch-

granola bar.........150

water......0

Dinner-

egg roll .....190

soda....100

snack-

4 pieces of gum...20

total 757

I don't have to go too long with food and hopefully I avoid a binge.

I cried this binge because I felt so hopeless and so useless.

Today I heard some guys at the campus cafe talking about their "dream girl".

so the guy looked a bit older a senior or junior. he was still really hot. he starts saying that he likes a littler girl.

I don't know if he meant you, thin, or short. Then he said he wanted the girl to be smaller than him. That's not me... I'm going to be lonely and fat forever...

love you guys i hope you reach your goals.

haha oh black swimsuits
ps. how is it that theres 2 comments and blogger only marks one view count?

Funzies is a real word.....according to me

yesterday I went ahead and binged on barbecue chips and a bunch of other crap.

I don't know whats wrong with my stomach but it's been heartburn-y. Yeah, it kinda bugs me.

In other news I've started my period! Hooray! oh I just love going to bed late because of cramps and waking up early because of cramps! For some unknown bitch reason my period sucks even more this time, these cramps are really bad.

Just for funzies I'm gonna make my calorie goal 800 just to ease into this. Its way to early to leave for school. So I'm going to weigh myself right now.

cw=168lbs

sgw= 160lbs

ugw= 90lbs

height = 5'5 ft

so.. not the weight i wanted but its better than nothing! wait... that's not better than nothing!! lol that doesn't even make sense oh well i'm gonna go shower and get ready for school. I'll see later.. maybe, if I have the time and energy.

good bye my dears and have wonderful day I hope you meet all your goals whether your in recovery or still trying to lose weight.

stay young and shit...

Spiders

Guess who gained for pound in 2 days?!?!?! Me and now im freaking out thats it liquid fast until thanksgiving. Anyone want to join me?

I'll walk three miles with my dog and do 5 crunches and push-ups for every calorie i over eat.

i'm freaking out i want to cry and pull out my hair and throw up my empty stomach and then curl up in a ball outside in the cold. (i'm fucking crazy)

i didn't have a food dream last night i had something worse....

Did I tell you guys i'm a huge arachnophobe? i hate spiders i don't care how graceful or misunderstood they those things are evil creatures from hell.

The dream went like this,

I was running around and there were spiders crawling down from webs in the ceiling and falling down on me landing in my hair they were every where in my room on the stairs....everywhere....

then.....I woke up....and closed my eyes and fell alseep again....

this time i was in the kitchen and the things were there too they were every where. I tried to run out but there spiders blocking the door way in a web and i ran through and got tangled up.

I woke up breathing hard and crying. i didn't want to sleep again and see those evil creature again i don't know the horrors that await in my sleep. Eventually i fell asleep but this time it was dreamless sleep.

I just freaked out that a fly came near me ugh...Nightmares...

I looked up some stuff to see if maybe i could figure out what the dream meant but too much happened. heres the website i went to http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=spider.

On a better note, i made a play list :) for blogger. Every week i'm gunna make one a different artist this week its metric. I wont tell you next weeks its a surprise.

music thinspo

Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeah

Emily Haines for metric

regular thinspo

extreme thispo

okay guys ill send you my love on wire,

Henrietta Gray

ps. comment reply time (i almost forgot)

@peanut :)

probably, all we think of is food

@Avani

I like your blog too and thanks for reading mine.