Holy shit im scared.

im supposed be having sum pumkin pie and a burritto i dont know if i can purge it all up omg if i dont have my parents will notice somethings up...... UGH!!!! ill just use the save it for later excuse.

I hope you guys enjoyed the little video i added to the blog. its just something for you all to enjoy. the song black sheep was also in the scott pilgrim movie.

This morning i woke up panicking becouse i thought i had eaten in my sleep. Ok I know its weird but i think i just had a dream of eating (great foods in my dreams now). Also i had a dream a cupple of nights ago.

here it goes.

I was with a couple of friends by our tree.( Our tree is this tree next to basket ball courts that we hang out at) We were just standing there an this guy comes up to us and we start talking about random crap and then we start talking about his possible crushes and he points out girls he would go out with. he points out a couple of girls and then he points to me and i'm like me "why me ". The guys wasn't cute he just some guy i know than i all of sudden he turns into this guy i like ans says" 'couse your face is cute and your nice everything, if only you were smaller......." then i wake up.

Is this myself trying to tell myself that the fat is whats holding me down? Or is this just a random dream? I know this may seem conceded but one of main motivations is my face i tell my self im not so bad my face deserves a better body. i know right horrible but it helps so yeah i guess it also helps with the idea that if i'm thin ill be perfect. Because if i'm thin but ugly whats the point of being thin right ? So i accept my face but not my body. Oh and i say the fat instead of my fat becouse its not mine its only a temporary parasite feeding on my happiness. :)

Comment reply time

@Charlie

i hope everyone else feels the same and lol about the eated part.

your loving black sheep,

Henrietta

ps. I want to look good in this dress by summer i already bought it.is my motivation.It should arrive in a small this Monday. i got it from Forever 21.