talk about an inconsistent bitch!

sorry i've M.I.A but i havent had internets til recently.
 news-
i'm now living in the basement of a childless couple in their 40's so..fun...
i managed to get at 171

 and yeah i hope you guys are doing good and i'm off too bed

167 is weightloss

so yeah... tomorrowis 500 cals

Never have I ever.....

..been normal
   My current obsession is being regular. Watching all the girls how they dress what they do and how they act and how they do their make up. So i do the same and become them. My room-mate Lee and bf josh spend every hour together. There's a boy in my apartment building who looks interesting. He's always swimming. Whether its hot or freezing he still goes out to the pool to swim. When I reach 125 ill try and get his attention. Until then I'm too fat. French class makes me hunrgy. Tu as faime? oui j'ai faime! Qu'est que tu veux? Je voudrais un steak-frites et un soda, s'ill tu plait. So today it was eat normal, binge, puke,  binge, and regret.

Here is the meal plan for 2morrow
protein shake- 190
apple - 90
jello- 10
cottage cheese and banana - 163
at least - 10 cups of water
 total= 458 cals
 still under 500
     lately i've developed this game where you take a random word you see and make something negative ou tof it for example-  I see butterfly I think of butter and how fat i am.

   I need to find punishment for my self.

Well bye...
.

Your fat ugly face....

     Months had gone by and we had spent so much time together. we "ate" together and unknowingly, you fed my disease. You were so busy with your habits you didn't see mine. 


                                                     a few weeks earlier.....
    I walked out from my class. My eyes searched for you in the oceans student pouring out of their classes like water out of a faucet. I fallowed the current of students to our usual spot already pulling out your lunch. I sat next to you all i had was my drink, a simple can of diet coke. " that all you having'?" you said in you high pitched too loud voice. " yeah, not too hungry.."
      "you got some sort of eating disorder?'
No, but you do I saw... You have binge eating disorder. A pack of Oreo cakesters, a sandwich, a snickers bar, a bag of chips and a soda. You ate the whole feast in under 15 min. Every day you stuff yourself  with tons of food. 
    So the day i decide i'd rather spend the day with a boy. You go and tell everyone I'm vomiting and I don't eat at all. 







     last time I'm nice to you. I denied every thing and I said that compared to how she eats how i eat is a little.
   that just a pic I found on google.

If you read this post and comment you get super powers

* disclaimer you probably wont get super powers


Don't you just love it when you start a new diet and you GAIN weight!
current weight: 169.5
short term goal weight : 150
long term goal weight: 95
           FOOD
special k protein shake- 190
granola bar- 150
burrito- 535
popcorn- 113
coke - 65
piece of candy - 32
total- 1082
can you tell which part wasn't planned?

That's right the burrito!
oh well better than a binge

If I get to 130 by Halloween I can go to my friends Halloween party.

Tomorrow will be a rather unstable day but for the most part i'm hoping to do

today I over ate but it's okay because it wasn't a binge. I I'm trying to not be so hard on myself.

since i didn't get comments last time there's no replies :(

love you guys!

Why i hate my friends sometime(hooray more thinspo)

     I'm a generally nice and likable person. So i have quite a few friends. I'm not ms. popularity but there's  never been a class where i didn't know at least one person. There's this girl I m my class who is sporty, pretty, tall, and THIN. She also happens to be my friend AND REALLY NICE. I hate her, shes too "what is wish I was".  When I'm next to her I'm this unattractive, fat, 5'5 ball of ugliness.Then there's this other girl in one of my other classes. She's thin and  gorgeous as well. Not to mention the other 5 million girls on campus better than me.
      I hate my self for gaining and being at 170. I hate myself for having a binge. I want to go up to those girls and ask them how the fuck they do IT. They'd think I'm a creep. The only reason I binged was because my stomach started bugging me and friend was there so we ate and now I want to kill my self....
     I always mess up always I'm a failure.... and ugly fat stupid failure I deserve the shit that happens to me.



you guys are awesome
to Gracereturnsslowly : I have more swim suit pics right here lol
to missinsanity. : Thanks haha now all my worries are gone lol


love you all! 
ps email me or just chat -    just 01ofthosedays@hotmail.com

In case anyone still reads my blog...

Binges suck.

The good thing is I know what I did wrong.

I went too long without food. I now know that if I go too long without eating i get them heartburn pains.

So for tomorrow:

breakfast-

Greek yogurt.......170

small apple.......95

green tea.........32

lunch-

granola bar.........150

water......0

Dinner-

egg roll .....190

soda....100

snack-

4 pieces of gum...20

total 757

I don't have to go too long with food and hopefully I avoid a binge.

I cried this binge because I felt so hopeless and so useless.

Today I heard some guys at the campus cafe talking about their "dream girl".

so the guy looked a bit older a senior or junior. he was still really hot. he starts saying that he likes a littler girl.

I don't know if he meant you, thin, or short. Then he said he wanted the girl to be smaller than him. That's not me... I'm going to be lonely and fat forever...

love you guys i hope you reach your goals.

haha oh black swimsuits
ps. how is it that theres 2 comments and blogger only marks one view count?